Unmotivated

Well, no real reason to write on my blog today...Just a normal day today. Jack is feeling better, he is holding food down now and his hinney is almost all clear. He is off the nebulizer per Dr. Young, and he his breathing easy! Yahoo to that! Sydney had a good day at school. We finished her homework in a snap and she had time to ride her bike with Madison and play with some neighborhood kids. We even had a chance to cook dinner together. Sydney helped me make the shrimp fried rice (and cried when she had to de-shell the little shrimps) and I made the wontons and oriental chicken salad. Pretty easy day and night...
So, why do I feel so restless. And unmotivated. I think it has to do with my upcoming surgery. There is so much I need to do in order to get ready for this one. You would think I would be more confident, with this being my third surgery and all but I feel so out of control with this one. It might have to do with Jack being here now. He brings an element of the unknown into the picture. But I can't really say that is it either.
What I do know is that I am worried. But I am not worried about me. Not the pain or the wiring etc. I am more worried about everyday life and how we are going to make it thru. There is just so much to plan. My mom wants lists of how Jacks days go, so she can know how to take care of him. I have to get the cars ready, oil changes and tire rotation, because we are going to be taking so many trips to LA. I have make lists for Adam about school work, and softball schedules, and medication schedules and meal delivery schedules...
So much to do, and it is all so important, but in some way it feels like I am trying to control everything because I don't have control over anything. I know psycho-babble. Anyhow, bottom line is that there is sooo much to do and I don't want to do any of it! Ha! Its like I don't want to face my "to do lists" because it makes me face my count down to surgery! UGH! Unmotivated! I told you...

So my solution to this all, is to say "the heck with it". I am going to give into my feelings of not wanting to do anything. I have two weeks. I will face the music in a few days and get it done. For now, Adam is calling me with a warm bowl of apples and ice cream and The Apprentice on the DVR. Unmotivation feels pretty good! :)